Let life be beautiful like summer flowers and death like autumn leaves

I know the feeling too well. The pain, the longing, the hatred. At first it was always me leaving; now it’s me who is being left behind. There’s always the tearing of the eye and ripping of the heart. The longing that never ends and the slim glimmer of hope.

I have prepared myself on the leaving thinking it was all there is. I never saw being left behind coming. Suddenly reality hit me and there I was on the corner crying my heart out. After days of whimpering, the tears just stopped falling. They don’t fall anymore; they just fill the brim of my eyes.

The loss is too immense. All I could see is pain, all I could feel is dread. Overcome with pain and uncertainty I slipped into nothingness. I felt nothing, knew nothing, care about nothing. There was simply nothing.

Then, as quietly as I left, I find my self awake. Awakened by the clattering of life around me. I thought back on the pain I felt, on the hope I lost and the longing I suffered. It shattered my life, alright, but it didn’t devour my life altogether. I looked around and saw wonder and joy. My heart began to pump, my mind began to sing and my body began to move. There is still life. There is still hope. I’m glad I didn’t leave. I’m glad for the price of pain and longing. I’m glad I survived.